I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
