Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
