You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
