whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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