I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
