she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
