i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
