I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you inspire me to be a worse person
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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