Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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