I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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