She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
