the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
