No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
