Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I pour the whiskey from now on
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