Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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