i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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