he wants to bone in the snuggie
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
