I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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