I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
