blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
