I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
