no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
