i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
