I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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