she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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