eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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