remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
