she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
me + whiskey = a bad person
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
