Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
