I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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