drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
