I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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