Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
