If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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