so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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