You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
