I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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