ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
