chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
