Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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