Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
