how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
