shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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