I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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