I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
