I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hippo gnu deer
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
