if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
