Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
this boner is exhausting
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
