Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
