Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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