it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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