ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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